I know a change is coming in my life and I know I cannot possibly direct that change because change is the way my life goes. I’d love to be able to direct things because I’m Capricorn and we are all about directing things! I know I have had friends freak out when I’ve said my life is taking an entirely new direction but I’m looking at the upcoming events in astrology wondering where I’m actually going. I know for a fact that I’m in Montana around close friends for a reason. I have close friends all over the country and I was planning on being with many of them in the southern states where its nice and warm but alas, that didn’t come to pass. I’m in cold Montana where it has already snowed and we still have some of it. I’m writing this October 14, the day after the full moon in Aries, which sparked yet another new beginning for me, and that is proof that it is too cold already! And yet it is Montana, so it could be 80 degrees today for all I know, and for all the weatherman knows too.
The upcoming astrological event I was referring to is Pluto and Saturn conjunct in Capricorn. I’ve listened to and read many different takes on what could possibly happen during this conjunct because it is so significant in my personal chart. I know this conjunct has something to do with why I’m back in the cold of Montana and not in South Carolina enjoying the beach planning new business strategies with my friend Mary! HA! Just a note here, I’m telling this about me for you to get some insight on why you would trust me as a personal adviser and also perhaps you’ll learn a bit about yourself in the process.
I’m Capricorn sun and Capricorn rising, which means that I can’t hide much if anything about myself. My sun is also in the 12th house, which also means I know very little about myself unless I’m bouncing it off of someone else, which is where it comes in handy to be a twin flame but that’s entirely a different subject that I’m not exactly an expert on, so we’ll leave it at that. The point is, in order to know anything about myself I have to be “shown” in the form of a mirror from someone else. Now if I weren’t so driven to get to know myself I could have remained a mystery to myself and I see that way too much in different people. I probably did it for way too long, denying my true self because the invention or “self” that I had been taught to put out to people fit into society’s expectations much better. In effect, I put out a version of Marcia who fit into society quite well and had a regular job, clubs that she was a leader of, organizations that she could get behind, even political aspirations but that was so completely not my true self.
In about 2008 something happened, well a lot happened, but one of the things was that I met my dear friend Jenni. At the time she was doing homeopathics and informed me that I had put out this persona and allowed people to believe that was who I was. I was a bad-ass biker bitch who took shit from no one, including my husband. I called him a bitch on a regular basis, I rode my own bike, I wore black all the time and mostly jeans and T-shirts, I went to motorcycle rallies and was never afraid of any man or woman who crossed my path. At least that’s what I had people around me believing. Even my kids thought that I was the scary one, so they thought I wasn’t afraid of anything. In reality, I was deathly afraid of my husband, the man I slept with, the man I shared all my life with. I had tried to throw him out and he hunted me down like a dog and forced me to allow him back into my life. He was friends with the local judge. He was crazier than all the bikers. He was always lucking into being way more than what he was and I was terrified of him, so I made him believe and made myself believe that I was taking him back and welcoming him back into my world because of my choice. In 2008 it hit me that I was afraid of him. I was afraid he would kill me.
Two years later he confronted me and said that we needed to talk. That was it. This was the moment that I was either going to live or die. He was going to kill me or I would be allowed to live my life the way I wanted to. He chose to allow me to live my life. Maybe he was more capable of loving me than I had ever believed. It took me a few years to really believe that he wouldn’t come after me anymore. We have now come to a point in life where we can get along and I haven’t heard anything lately about him calling me crazy or evil or at the very least aligning with evil. After all, the study of the occult is evil through and through. Funny that he was stunned when I told him that his brother and I got along way better now that he was dead. That caught his attention and I continued telling him all about how Glen had come to visit me and we had quite a lot of contact since he passed. We laughed and talked for a while about him. I think that helped him heal more than he will ever admit.
I have spent much of my life in a constant state of transformation. I can look back and see major changes in my life where at the time I was concentrating so much on living through whatever situation had come up that I didn’t see how I was changing. I can look back with an astrological ephemeris now and see where things really changed in my life and spurred me to be an even better version of myself. Change in my life is imminent, and possibly in everyone’s life. I have now learned to roll with it and it is so much easier to handle the huge experiences that my higher self has chosen to experience in this lifetime than it was when I was attempting to smooth everything over with another “self” in front of me. I can genuinely be me and I have the confidence to stand up and not be the doormat that I used to be when I was afraid and hiding behind the badass biker bitch. Now I wear beautiful colorful dresses, which could be covered up with leather at any point in time because I decided to sit my ass on a motorcycle and go for a ride in that beautiful dress. My life is colorful, in fact it is brilliant tie-dye with the colors all swirled together and shifting continuously. I love my life and I finally love me. I don’t know where I’m going to end up or what kind of life I will have after this huge shift in my life but I can tell you it will end up being brilliant, colorful and exciting!
One thing I do know about this shift is that it is a great time for me to learn something new or move into becoming an expert in something. Shoot for the stars, right? I’m becoming an expert in astrology!