I am an adrenaline junkie! When I was little I got my fix by pushing my already angry father to the breaking point until he would explode. When I was a teen I started dating people with tempers and poked the bear again until they would explode. As a young adult that got boring, though I never quit, so I turned to drugs as well. Methamphetamine was a great rush! I hated getting drunk but I hung out with people who loved to drink and I loved messing with their heads. I hung around “dangerous” people – drug dealers, 1% bikers, even one guy who was a professional hitman (he’s dead and I still absolutely adore him). The man I was married to was one of the most “dangerous” and yet I continuously pushed his buttons. Always be way crazier than the crazy one you’re with so they fear you just enough. Always keep company with the bad boys because they are always so much fun – adrenaline junkie!! In reality, I could always make men fall in love with me so I was never worried about any of them hurting me, physically anyway. I was always protected by someone or something.
Eventually something switched inside of me and I was wound way too tight. I knew that I needed to do something about the way things were. My husband had not allowed me to stay in touch with friends and I was isolated in a small town. I had become a recluse and the only way I could get a fix was to fight with my husband and my kids. My sons and apparently the rest of the boys their age in Fromberg, Montana were all afraid of me. They love me but they fear me. But in my defense I was on the point of breaking. My only interaction with people was over the internet for work or my doctor’s office, who I saw A LOT!!
Understand I didn’t realize any of this until just lately but I truly believe my decision to take massage school completely changed my life. I began to look at things differently. I was exposed to new things like being around psychics and working through emotions rather than stuffing them and having them erupt on the ones I loved. I began to realize how very angry I was and why. I began to realize that I wanted a life of peace, joy, happiness, and love – true love – which can only happen when you honestly love yourself, which I didn’t – or hadn’t.
My life has completely changed. I live in love and float on life. It has its ups and downs and the ones closest to me hear about them but I have allow myself to feel the emotions as they come they go through much easier and they go away so much faster!! Today I am still an adrenaline junkie and I get my fix from clients and friends when I work on them. I get a rush when I get to channel Spirit for someone, be it Jesus, an archangel, or Uncle Bob. I get my fix on a friend telling me about orbs flying out of her stomach just from me singing to her over the phone. I get my hit when I help a client realize that if she hadn’t let fear come into the picture when she met this man, he wouldn’t have so much power over her. When I helped her release the fear from the original meeting, the entire situation changed and the strange noises she was hearing at her home stopped completely.
Am I co-dependent? DAMN STRAIGHT I am!! I depend on others to have issues that I can help them with. This is what I live for! This is my rush – and no amount of cocaine or methamphetamine could ever compare!! I love my clients and I love even more that I can help them and change their lives!!